Testing poison waters

I'm so sorry my body
as I swerve to the sink
water
more water
flush out this horrid drink
Intoxicated for sure now
just a test
just to see
Did I want to go there
No more thanks not for me
A night on the town I had
let it rip
let it swing
But the means once familiar
Too much pain it did bring
I'm up in the night now
with a head full of lead
pounding in circles
more to come I do dread
I'm sorry so sorry
please let me survive
I'll harm you no more
I hear you inside
you're angry
disgusted
rightly so it is true
Our happiness and health
There is more I can do
so forgive that
I ask this
Last time I do pray
can you hold back my hair
then please look away.

*I didn't actually throw up, but I felt like it. My first after treatment beer was at about one month free. I've maybe had a small handful since, spread thinly, usually with a meal, once at a party. I think I'm cool with that. But this night was different, purposeful even. I actually wanted to see if I was "missing out" on anything... weird... but the answer came back loud and clear: "No! You are Not! What a stupid f*ing question! You can party and swing without that liver sting!!" OK. Got it. We're cool.