hep C that's me

It happened one year ago next Tues. The first blip. An unexpected call from the nurse annoucing a refferral to a specialist. What? two weeks later, the dreaded test result in hand with code words "HCV" and "positive". What? No, that's not right. This was just a follow-up test because of a silly little inconsequential slightly high liver enzyme result that I had successfully ignored and put off for nearly 3 years. more tests. different tests. Two months later I admit. I concede. I crash. OK. I have hepatitis C. What's that? research...

Five months now into treatment. Many decisions every day. I have good moments and bad days. Sometimes I forget happiness. my face contorted and my body twisted with pain and weakness. AARRRGGGGGGG! Pick up the log and throw it! Feel the weight, the strain and push it way.... But the very worst are always right next to a new lesson. Gigantic realizations and my body eases into the pain and releases the fight. Ahh... it's going to be alright. I can do this. A new perspective and a notch on the wall.

The good moments are great. Vivid. clear. wind on my face. cool water around me. laughter inside my cheeks. shared confidences. touch of skin. dreams. dance music on the car radio. So wonderful. I strive for them. Make plans for them and keep learning. Prioritize. Do only what matters most. Check in with yourself - how are you feeling? is this OK ? Balance behind the eight ball and keep an eye on the edge. Do just enough and you'll be happy, others will be happy. Greater chance of a good moment. Isn't that what we all want anyway?

I had no symptoms before, but only an estimated 14 years till major liver trouble. Nope. Do this once and do it right. Mental state is as powerful as the drugs. One month into a 12 month sentence my viral load dropped to undetectable. From 11,700,000 to <10. Yeah Baby. Now I'm almost halfway. Keep going..... I'm going to win this and if not, it won't be for lack of trying. I surrender to all abilities to be great.