Just went to set my watch alarm for tomorrow's 6:30am run, my favorite time. Knew as I held Old Blue, that I hadn't set this alarm in a long while, no image came to mind, merely a vague sensation. I even fumbled a bit re-learning the sequences. Beep, beep, beep went the buttons. Finally "ALM 1" flashed, then "8:30 AM OFF" appeared, the last alarm memory, my morning pill time. Immediately my arms filled with jelly, eyes overflowed, still as a statue, I stood staring. Gasping to regain my senses, I quickly beeped, beep, beep: "ALM 2", flash, flash, "8:30 PM OFF", evening pills. Beep, beep, beep: "ALM 3", flash, flash, "6:30 PM OFF" (pause here for reverence.....), this one was my shot alarm. Every Friday evening for 48 weeks, it called me to task, asked for another week's commitment, put the ball in my court.
Ancient history, but did I reset them? No. Not yet. I'll use a different clock for tomorrow.
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Ugh...reminders are everywhere: in my last lab test results I had to xerox before I see a new ENT tomorrow (to prove to him that he can touch my ear without putting on gloves), in the sharps bin that's still under my bathroom sink, in the guilt I feel looking at the 4 remaining beers from a six-pack I bought (I drank 2, I feel guilt about the 2 I drank, not the 4 that are left), in the mirror - the Hep C Eyes are gone, but the hair hasn't grown back. I'm looking forward to forgetting this, as I'm sure you are - you must be getting ready to have your 6-month post treatment test, aren't you?
I still have my sharps bins too.... what do we do with them? take them to the doc's office for disposal? I know Jason would keep them, but I don't think I want to.
Some reminders feel good though, they remind me that I am one strong M.F.
Ample, one little strong M.F! : )
Do memories of that 48 weeks still haunt you? What a strong influence this treatment has on us. I think I'm fully centered on it and can't let it go. That's so sad.
Heal girl, heal!
Hey Amps, I sure did keep all my sharps gear, not sure why, like I don't know why I keep my hair every time my friend Lee cuts it! Bag it up and stick a little post-it note in with the date and hide it never to be seen again I expect.
You could always dig a hole in your garden and bury them? For starters, digging holes are so much fun and burying things is even funner:) Then you can say that besides your treatment being a walkover, you would be walking over your treatment every time you go out in the back.
How was your 6:30am run? Wow! That is early for a run isn't it?
You gotta get yourself a pink watch now and maybe bury Old Blue along with the sharps?
Digging holes is great fun...you never know what you might find and even if you don't find anything...you can always use it to get rid of something;)
Let the Earth have it back.
Jaexx
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