One week left

Woke up this morning to only one week left of meds.... and I could feel it, hum it, taste it. My daughter bounced as we opened our weekly presents*, the final line, only one left, only one left, only one left.... ahhhh

Spent some time last night flipping through my early Hep C journals (I'm up to 3), reviewing the first days and months of treatment, before the blog. I saw long lists of convincing theories for proper water intake, protein levels, and vit C (etc). A few proved essential, but most now read like screaming lines of desperation, for control, for power, for some kind of influence over each worsening predicament. I like how they ended though, all the same. Just minutes, or maybe hours, after the first clingy scratches, a point of reckoning appears on the page. A point of obvious release, acceptance, commitment, where the ego has finally let go of want and should. No anger, no blame, just a sudden coming to terms with what is, wrapped neatly as a new lesson. And just after that, the pain lessens, every time. Page after page, over and over, month after month, till I am here..... mmmmmmmm...


*weekly presents for me and my daughter, pre-arranged by my best friend, marking each week for the first three months, then again at 6 months (for another 12 weeks!), and now again for the "final four" (with one special one remaining for the end). Totally awesome, unexpected, and wonderful.