Inner beauty

Yesterday, I took the big hair chop off. It has been falling by the fistful since the early days of treatment, dry and brittle, exposing my tender scalp to the hot sun and frowned reflections. Found myself thinking far too much about the new look, decided to step in front of the bull and shave it all off. Gasp. A few second thoughts saved me from total disaster, but the effects are still dramatic enough.

'You've done this before', some of you may remind me, twice actually, years ago, 'so big deal'. Well... I thought this time was different. The last two were excessive attempts at a new beginning, final flailing at the bottom of a long rope, smacked of defeat. This time was supposed to be different. Simply ridding myself of a simple distraction. Simple, simple, that's all.

So... when I woke this morning to the shock of an exposed expression, ears... I realized: it's mostly all the same. Once again I was looking for hope, a forced spring, a prettier tomorrow. Yet, this time I think it worked. Sure... now I long for flowing tresses, thick and heavy, but it's better than stressing about the comb-over. It can only grow from here, only 19 more weeks of self injected hair loss. I can justify this one on and on if you like, and if I keep going I'll completely convince myself of deep inner beauty, a hip new sleek do, all the right moves...

For now I just need a neck tan, a relaxing day, and no worries, so I'm cool with it.