The theme is the same: eyes dry and stuck shut, body staggering uncontrollably, mind disoriented and fearful. Since the beginning of treatment, these dreams have reoccurred. Different details, location, role plays, but always the same struggle. I fight to stand upright, stumble in forced blindness. I hear clear sounds of others around me. I pretend to be normal, social, to buy time (I want to stay), but I'm getting rapidly worse. I know they are waiting for me, just let me hide for a little while. My body feels drugged from an unknown source. I don't know how long this will last.
This time I make it to a mirror. I strain to raise my eye lids, one then the other. They feel glued and burn with irritation. Suddenly, I see my clear and unmistakable reflection. My eyes are discolored with white film, the left tilting hard to the upper right, the right pointing off to the lower left. I blink, desperate to control their direction. I stagger back to the bed and sink into sleep. The fight is drained from me, the others will just have to understand, I can't get up just yet.
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2 comments:
love you darlene menard
hummm, let me guess.... who would dare use that part of my old name... must be one of my fellow superhero co-workers from way back. What a wild self-less time that was. Keep up the good work! You're saving the world you know. I can see it clearly from here. That one kid who gets a safe place to stay the night, a full meal, and a chance to tell their story might be the soul who brings world peace. Could be.
Well, who ever you are, thanks for visiting
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