The question has always been intent. It's a fine line that separates good and innocence from all other actions. In the beginning I focused daily on my own intent. My intent to be well, strong, healthy. Imagined revving up each cell and radiating warmth and generosity inwards, cradling each organ in a loving embrace. Sounds slippery sweet, but it was hard work really. I was surprised at how much random angst my brain exercised and how badly it felt to feel it. At one month I had gotten pretty good at it and was rewarded with the ultimate trophy: an undetectable virus. Not saying the meds had no part in it, but come on.... slim chance they were the sole hero here.
Since then I've slacked a bit, a lot on some days, and I'm beginning to feel the effects. It's hard work with seemingly unlimited rewards, yet sometimes I just want to take a break, please no more. Well ....brake's over. Time to get back on track: threw my back out yesterday brushing my teeth. Come on! What's up with that! Brushing my teeth! Something is not right here and I obviously could use a little more potency in the strength department. And what's with crying uncle all of a sudden, "...throw me a rope." Get a freaking grip! I'm kicking butt here remember and this sorry attitude's not going to cut it. I've got 6 more months sitting on my pretty plate and I'm going to eat it all, big gulps, smacking my lips, ummm tastes just fine. You better believe it baby. Momma's back and she's huungry!
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2 comments:
Good on yer Ample:)
Even i feel it sometimes, like today. You might want to check out my lastest post (writing it now). Nothings wrong. I just didn't have a good day today.
I noticed in your surviaval reading list, you have 'Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency' by the late great DNA. I too have read that book, and enjoyed it very much. Have you read the next DG novel? It's called 'The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul'. You might also want to try 'Incompitence' & 'Colony' by Rob Grant of Red Dwarf fame.
Stay strong!
Jason
I loved Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, in fact it's time I re-read it! I'll check out the other book too - perfect timing, I'm in need of a new read.
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