Off to the the water park my daughter and husband go. The final celebration of the 6th birthday. Meeting my parents on the way. A day of excitement and joy. I had planned the day weeks ago. Planned to go myself. Visions of fast rides and wild splashes, laughter and shared memories. But I had forgotten my hep C eyes. The headache reminded me...creeping up days ago, lingering in full force this morning. I can't go on such an adventure. Not this year, not with this weight. I can't pull it together: new visions of crying, contorted frame and anguished glances from strangers face me now. Best to stay home. I've charted the progression of such days, coulda shoulda known it was coming. Something to do with the monthly hormone fluctuations, I guess... that's what the calendar shows anyway. New insights the doctors can't predict. The makers of my pain display long lists of possible aliments, neat little numbers collected from past patients. Each with their own story, their own flavor, possibly their own conclusions not gathered in the data sets.
A year ago I was still searching for different answers, not yet accepting the hep C conclusion. I was making calls and demanding new tests. Each result drifting me farther away from my neat little world. So many years, living free of this knowledge. Today it's hard to say I'm glad to know it..... yet I am. Better to face it now while I'm still strong and healthy, right?. Do this once and hope for never again. What we will do for the 43% chance of the elusive "cure".
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