Life will be rosy

Visited my ARNP yesterday, 23 weeks and counting. My levels are good: platelets, hemoglobin, yata yata bling bling. White blood cells dipped out of the comfort zone a few times in the past, but are now showing durability. It's up to me to check in with the other levels: levels of sanity, joy, strength, endurance. I cried uncle on a few of them. Asked for sleeping aid and stronger pain meds for the headaches. Last spring, I remember chuckling over the list of expected side effects, especially the bit about fatigue and insomnia. How could you have insomnia if you were fatigued? So naive, so naive. It turns out fatigue isn't tiredness in the sleepiness sense. It's more like the deep over whelming weakness of heavy bones and jelly muscles. So yeah, you can be a blob of powerless energy and lay awake most of the night. I coped and coped my little heart out, now throw me a rope.

I asked to have my viral load rechecked. She said once it dips to the undetectable level it usually stays there for the rest of treatment... Whether it remains there after the meds have stopped is the critical question. If any parasitic beasts remain, my animal drive to survive must continue the blasting on its own. I will be strong and relentless. Maybe there will be none at all and life will be rosy. I'll get a partial answer to that question in a few weeks.