Thankful

Today will be my 27th Peginterferon alfa- 2a injection. Everyday I swallow 5 Ribavirin pills (3 in the am, 2 at night). Everyday is hard, some days are predictably terrible: like late Friday nights as the injection dopes my system and then there is Saturday, all day, where my energy is so low and the pain so high, it takes endurance to get to the bathroom. I've got 21 more weeks to go and I've had lots of help.

Did you know that since day one, since the very first injection on April 7th, my mom has taken my daughter for a weekend sleep-over. From day one! Every weekend (bar the very very few that either of us was out of town). My dad has had a major part of it too, even comes home early for the drop off, so I can get back before dark, but it's my mom who schedules, feeds, and prepares. They all play and laugh all weekend. Every weekend! It's better than Disney Land. It's the safest, most wonderful place for her to be when not in my arms or my husband's. I'm so grateful. It allows me to fully surrender, to vegge, to accept my temporary inability, to be non-responsive and non-responsible. It also allows my husband, my 7 day a week care giver, the bread winner, the go-to-parent, to rest and build reserves. It's a gift to him as well and he knows it. Their actions are helping me get better.

My friends have been wonderful too. A few in particular who have continued to look at me with relaxed eyes, high expectations and easy smiles, undeterred by mortality. I've received cards, calls and emails out of the blue. Jewels in the darkness. Present moments in lost space. One friend even put together an elaborate gift basket, a present for each Friday, for the first three months (the critical trial time) and then even did the same for my daughter! Every week on injection day, as my stamina faltered, my daughter would wake and exclaim, "It's Friday!", and run to get our wrapped presents. Her enthusiasm carried me and marked the weeks during a time when life seemed to stop. Each present skillfully awakened lost reserves and offered the next step.

Then there is the family and friend's family. My two favorite cousins go heavy on the whoop whoop with cards and music. My mother in-law has rallied an entire network of strangers (to me) to send best wishes through the ether and say my name in loving tones. One friend's mom has even sent letters and stickers, another joined me for lunch. An Aunt in-law, I've only met once, writes letters of encouragement and sends pictures of the family.

It's unbelievable. All for me. To help me. Like they know I can make it across the finish line and set a personal record, but that there will be sweat in my eyes, so they cheer loud to guide me. I couldn't do it alone and I don't want to be carried. They seem to know this and are perfect. I am so grateful. There is no way to measure their impact and no way to fully thank them. I'm all blubbery just writing this. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.