Holding my breath

I keep asking those around me, "When is your actual end date? When did you 'go undetectable'? Do you think it's gone?" I keep asking those questions over and over, because that's all that sits on my lips. When do I end treatment? March 2nd, it'll be a Friday. When did I go undetectable? At four weeks (quick flash view of statistical 83%, not sure if that's the real percent chance I had of kicking this virus when I cleared at 4 weeks, but that's what always flashes up). Do I think the virus is gone? (pause) Is the virus gone? (turning inward, tingly sensation scans internal systems, shoulders flush red) Uh.... I don't know. I think so, but I don't want to be wrong (chest slamming pain, turn away, turn away!). But I do think so and I even think that if I don't stop soon, this medicine will leave permanent damage, to my eyes (my precious eyes), to my other organs, muscles, bones, eventually kill me (whew, sinking sensation, shake it off). So seven more weeks, seven more shots, and 230 more Ribavirin tablets. I can do that, but that's it. I'll take the last three morning pills on the 2nd, then end with the 6:30pm injection, and not take the evening Riba dose, rounding the cycle off nicely, done (chest inflates, again, again, deeper, deeper, hold it, yawn, yawn, hold it, eerrrrow... release... yawn again, yawn). I must have been holding my breath.