The Headache... GONE

Started my period yesterday and NO migraine!!!! The monthly beast began 5 months into treatment, took two cycles after treatment to end. Whoo Hoo!!

No migraine! No migraine!
Not a bit of migraine!
Not a care,
No pain to bare,
Just a little crampy there.
No migraine! No migraine!
Not a touch of migraine!
The fast a cure,
Cleaned out my turd,
Now I'm singing like a bird.
No migraine! No migraine!
Not a flash of migraine!
No demons ring,
My cycle's clean,
From at least that sort of thing.
No migraine! No migraine!
ok I'll stop :)

added note: this cycle's period also went back to a normal 5-6 day length... since the first cycle on treatment they all lasted 13-14 days... no wonder I was so damn anemic!

"The Headache" B' minor

I think that was "The Headache".... in minor form.... with less med intrusion.... better hormonal balance.... stronger constitution.... definitely easier, sort of. The calendar confirms my suspicions (proof may come in a few days, we'll see). It still sucked, especially at night, but still better than usual.... Well, here's to hope...

One for the road

It's 4am now... Since 3, I've been waiting for the vicodine to save me. Now I'm up making tea, trying not to cry, reminding myself to breathe, just take it, there is no more you can do, I know. I pause, to push my eyes, if I could just reach in far enough, pull the pain out... maybe this will be the last, after the meds are gone, they will leave... one last treatment induced hormonal headache for the road.... cheers...

3:45 PM, Sunday

Things are finally wrapping up. This month's treatment induced hormonal headache really kicked my ass. Lasted way longer than it should have. Kept waking me up every five hours like a bat to the head. What's up with that? At least it over shadowed all the other things going on. Didn't move around enough to notice any wobble and who could possibly feel any bone pain over that baby. Hey, kind of a new twist on things. Keeping it real. A few final blow-outs before the whole show is over. That's cool. Bring it on. Just making it easier to let it all go. Hew Haw Waaaaaa! Wew Paa! Yeeeeooooowwwww! Haaaaaaaa...

3:36 AM

I reached for the first vicodine, having just popped two Tylenol 30 mins earlier. It was an easy decision. Matters were changing. In waves and swirls, nauseous from growing head pain, 'The Headache' had arrived, on a Saturday, the bastard.

Eh... not so bad

"The Headache" hardly deserved capitalization. Today's not pleasant, but not horrible either, decent coasting material.

Counter forces

First thought this morning was 'Hey, it's Friday, hopeful 2nd 3/4 dose day', shiny horizon, glitter glitter. Then... wait... my head, whoa... is it that time of month already? What? No, I won't believe it. This is nothing... I've got plans today, things to do, preparations to make, driving... I'm supposed to drive today!

Hello, counter forces,
Keeping me on my toes, eh?
Well, all right...

Float like a butterfly,
Sting like a bee,
Bring it on baby,
Drop me to my knees.

I've got patience,
I've got courage,
I've got vicodin,
I've got pillows,
I've got this bed to keep me afloat,
I've got no way out, by choice,
and I'm not scared of you anymore! (scream mime scream)

Vicodin feast

The Headache woke me, around 2:36,
A.m. that is, body clinched in a fist,
I tossed around gently, fearing the beast,
Then I delicately rose for a vicodin feast,
Back to bed I hoped, would end this great torment,
One day it lasts long, 30 days it lays dormant,
Sun came soon enough, few hours I had slept,
On with this day, 21 hours left.

Vacation Journal 8 of 8

Tuesday, 10/3/06

Back home

Monday morning held errands in Jasper, final paperwork on land purchase. On the road, head began to hurt. By hour five, I was still telling myself it was nothing... 4 hours later I was officially announcing the presence of "The Headache", popping two vicodin and breathing slow shallow breaths. For the next 24 hours, there would be two hot pokers angrily jabbing behind each eye, a growing concussion from a swinging baseball bat to the back of the head, pulse pounding in ears, and a mind teetering teetering teetering. (new treatment side effect for the ladies? it's the third documented sighting of The Headache, each occurring two days before the start of a new hormonal cycle, three months in a row.... this better be the meds)

"I'm cool with this", that is my mantra. It's not like you can simply distract yourself from this kind of pain. Imagine if you've just broken your leg... can you simply ignore it, sing a song, play a game of cards? No... you just have to be cool with it, which is, of course, totally impossible. But freaking out, clawing at my hair, screaming hysterical gibberish, would surely just make it worse, so I say to myself, "OK, I'm cool with this", then breath slowly and say to myself, "OK, I'm cool with this." Circling in mid air till time slips back closer to normalcy. Which happened this evening, just before dinner, back at home.

The vicodin didn't help much, by the way. Or maybe it did and I would have gone insane, in the cab of the truck, passing through Mississippi....

crusher

Today my head pounds to a different beat. my eyes hang half open.

To let this move on
Move through and over
Must be a miracle
To be and not be crushed
To smile with wisdom of greater days
To believe like you know
Fade into the surrounding lushness
Surrender to greater plains

Officially I have Tylenol (no more than 4 a day) and water, lots of refreshing water, as my arsenal against pain. Enough for most days - not enough for today. Inhale, hold, exhale: lessen the nausea, lighten the mood, broaden the picture, the perspective...ahh the mighty perspective, my most important ally. Wings that fly, view that lifts and separates. Just a small touch, not a blast. The pain is still present, the head still pounds, yet all is manageable.