(WHAM)

I was coming in for a jacket. I got my ginger cookies going with some ginger tea. Dude, I had it going on, and then I think, "(Wham) I'm getting my test results on Monday."

Then later I was scooping out some chocolate brownie overload ice cream, grabbing a few more cookies and some more ginger tea, and I think, "(Wham) I'm getting my test results on Monday."

Then later still, I was standing in the front yard, watching the moon, the cool mist, body breathing, arms reaching up on their own, thinking, "3rd moon free!" Then I wondered how long I would be counting moons, could I do it forever? Then I thought, "(Wham) I'm getting my test results on Monday," and I cried and cried and cried a mixture of everything.


ps: ended the fast early late Friday night, decided it just didn't feel right this time, started with raw fruits/veggies as planned, have now moved quickly on to other things.

Full moon acknowledgment

Full moon tonight... or is it tomorrow? I can't usually tell. The third since treatment ended, I know that. Exactly 3 lunar months free (give or take a day). Wow... the world is different here. Still recovering but more in the "fine tuning" realm. Out of shape but strong enough to get there.

Been thinking a lot about Monday's doc appointment. I'll be sweating bricks (new modified phrase) as she walks into the room, analyzing her features, her aura, the stars, the moon, the tiny minute particles fluttering in the air between us. Will she be smiling?

I've done everything right, to my utmost ability, no regrets, 48 weeks, super prep before, super survival during, supper happy it was over. Is it over, the virus?

We'll see.

The virus may you be gone forever!!
My Hep C eyes my reward.
I know the meaning of effort and victory.

DON don DON don DON don....


ps: first day of new fast went well, completed the proper 2 day raw veg/fruit diet as prep, plan on just a 3 day fast this time (a simple retuning), will follow up with a 2 day raw diet as well. Feeling good but distracted.

First hurtle fast approaching

Slow it down
hurry hurry hurry
Slow it down
hurry hurry hurry
Think good thoughts
worry worry worry
Think good thoughts
worry worry worry...

Well it's time for another fast. Time to cleanse. Time to recharge. Time to get grounded, surrounded by here, now, today, not tomorrow, no sorrow, just..... something, anything besides worrying about the damn viral test results.... which is only 5 days, 19 hours, and 7 minutes away. Iyeeiyeeiyeei...

5th day emergence

They say..... during a fast you may feel the effects of stored toxins being released from your system, like little mini flashbacks from residual pockets, exposed as culprits, forced out in full glory, headaches, blah, blah, that sort of thing. Well not me, so far, this whole week has been great. Full of energy, active, satisfied with life. Maybe I'm just tough, I thought, or maybe I just hadn't gotten there yet....

Well it started last night. Well actually yesterday, now I see in hindsight, the first sign appeared: I got greasy. I mean greasy, oily, thick, all over. My hair, my skin has been dry, brittle, straw like, itchy since treatment, not now..... all pores, all at once, whoosh (a good sign I had hoped). Then last night... terrible dreams, where my eyes felt glued shut, goopy, uncontrollable, unfocused, spinning wildly in different directions, treatment dreams. Hadn't had one of those for months. Woke this morning to droopy lids, poor vision, and a body that longed to lay flat, alone, in a corner, quiet.

Maybe I just needed to eat, my new found brain fog slurred, but I've been gorging on fresh squeezed juices all week, plenty of electro lights, haven't once felt weakened. Chomped on carrots dipped in dressing for good measure. But that wasn't it, felt wrong, mistaken, like I might be missing the boat, the pinnacle, the message if I stopped too soon. So I sat with a belly ache and observed. A mere shadow of treatment this is, maybe the last. Now Get Out!

Back to juice, a little colon cleanse, a long Epsom Salt bath, and a short sort of nap (daughter's movie ended). And now I'm back, a bit, on track, in tunned, will ride along a little bit longer, then slowly reintroduce solids, gently, with a keen eye towards my favorites (starting tonight, a little).

End of third day

Good points: gut feels better that it has in a long time. Didn't know how bad it felt till now. Dare I say better than before treatment? OooooooooOOOoooo

Bad Points: cabbage juice, yack, bad idea, that recipe is Not a keeper. Good in egg rolls though..... mmmmm egg rolls......


I think I'll fast one more day, then see about the next :)

Second morning

so easy breezy it's almost cheesy, spooky but not really, a little discomfort, a little daily decision, nothing compared to treatment. I've fasted before (many years ago), but the deprivation/starvation was 'grueling'..... I must have been a total wimp. And I was certainly uneducated as to the "proper" method of preparation, juicing, cleansing (I'll spare all details) and how to ease off the fast when I am done. I had decided to do just 3 days (no more than 5), but I'll wait to see what I want tomorrow. All about wants these days, desire, satisfaction, satiation. Minute pains along the path are excusable when the rest feels so good. And I do feel good, strong, sickening meds be gone! A year of celebration ahead I've got, to repair the past year of pain I fought! Each step is noted, light as a feather, legs gather strength, bring ON the stormy weather! Do the dance.... jiggidy jiggidy jiggidy do

Fast official

Home and I'm ready, preparations (happy two days of raw fruit/veggies, even while visiting family) complete, tomorrow begins the real deal juice fast, 5 days I think, will decide tonight, 3 was my first thought, my minimum, to detox my bod, but will remain open, see how it goes, to do a little healing would be nice, let my organs rest, cravings for this have crescendoed along with the unabated food intake, insane, weeks and days of build ups, first hunger in over a year (begun in Arkansas) and I freak, 7 major opportunities/reminders to fast ignored, poor judgment, tons of junk, leaving me bloated, disgusted, full of heartburn, and constipated (nice huh). Ug...... now it's an easy decision.... OK! I get it!!!

Ready

I'm ready to be home. Ready for quiet, for stillness (of mind), for fasting. No more please. My hair, my hunger, my brain, all out of control. These meds still linger, readjustment skewed, my senses raw. Time to turn off, rest my insides, my brain, my blood. I need to remove, all ick. Now. Can't wait any longer.