Saturday, November 04, 2006

Tornado

A tornado ripped through me, 12 hours last night.
It was ugly, horrific, didn't give it much fight,
Felt it turn inside out, course set for sure fail,
Blew up, then shut down, wailed, wailed, wailed, wailed, wailed, wailed.
"Oh why," you say, "Why, would such a dastardly thing,
Befall such a lovely, helpless, befuddled young queen."
Cause she's a monkey on meds, put her back on the shelf,
She's weary, broke hearted, she can't help her-herself.
My mind raced in circles, rhymes sped in my head,
No more, I cried blindly, finally sensing the dead
End course, I'd set up, for myself...

Too many people, were here in my home,
Laughter expected, and dinner to comb
Smooth perfect like the perfect wife, mother, and friend,
I had let myself drop, down the list, to the end,
Weekend reprieves, lost last, this, and future,
Guts spilled out of wounds, I'd failed sadly to suture.
Priorities, where was I?
Will I die?
If I won't?
Say I don't?
Do this,
Anymore...

The twister broke up, as my husband reached in,
Had an idea, this bright morning, see if I'd give it a spin,
Our daughter to travel, home with his dad,
Who's leaving this morning, this doesn't sound bad,
He'll return this next Wednesday, yes, that's five days away,
It's set he'd come back, with her Nana, she'd play,
And her cousins, her cousins, you know how they are,
She'd like it, will love it, Pensacola's not far.
We run it past the little one, she dives for the chance,
Tears fall tiny drops, just one second glance,
A party she'll miss, but she's not even sad,
She'll celebrate on another day, says her friend won't be mad.
She's right, and I know it, so I must let her go,
Off on this adventure, wild wings she will grow.
She's excited, relieved, says she'll miss me, I'm sure.
I wave and blow kisses, her care I defer.

Five days to rebuild, take it my friend,
Let lose of this struggle, know this treatment will end.
I'm off to sit with the dog, warm in the sun,
Will dream sweet fancy dreams, of her having fun.

4 comments:

Chris Vacano said...

Hey ample,

Sorry you're in a rough patch... the way you wrote about is beautiful and heart-wrenching at the same time. I'm glad you've got a hubby who's sensitive and supportive enough to see you need a break!

When I started treatment, my nurse told me the absolute most important thing that was going to get me through was allowing myself downtime when I needed it. Forget about treatment... that seems like good life advice to me!

Know that we're out here pulling for you. Keep your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel.

Chris

Anonymous said...

It's 2 a.m., and you're on my mind. Hope tomorrow brings calmer weather.

Ample said...

"Downtime" yep, that's the magic winning ticket (meds or no meds, you're right). I had mistakenly ignored all the flashing neon warning signs and WHAM!

Things are much better now... day two of a five day holliday has begun, quietly.... ahhhh

TeaStarWitch said...

Your writings, every single word in my mind are lace, you knit them so beautiful.
I see how much you love your little princess, I see your worm feelings.
Mother-daugter relationship is very precious.